Having a loved one with cancer is a tough situation to navigate. Emotions such as helplessness, fear, worry and sadness are common and can lead to confusion on how to best help and support your loved one. One way to offer support is to visit. I’d like to share some useful tips on how to plan a successful visit. One that not only adequately expresses your support but addresses the needs of your loved one. 

1. Plan ahead

   Don’t show up unannounced because we can’t guarantee whether you’ll find an energized person or one going into shock from pain. It is wise to not only call and schedule your visit, but I also recommend checking in the day of as well. You should never take our response personally if our ability to see you unexpectedly changes. We have no control  over how we feel physically or emotionally and this drastically changes throughout the day. But we want to see you and visits are a great way to support a loved one facing cancer. We genuinely look forward to them and it fills our hearts with joy to see and spend time with you. Especially, if we are not fully mobile like I am at the present moment.

2. Maintain a clean environment

   Keep in mind that our immunity is compromised from treatments such as radiation and chemotherapy. A common cold for a cancer patient can become life threatening and automatically leads to a halt in treatment. Please make sure you are fully immunized, not sick, possibly sick, or recovering from anything!  Additionally, don’t forget to wash your hands prior to greeting us. Keep us safe!  

3. Keep your commitment

   When you plan a visit, but fail to show up, whether or not your intent, you just succeeded in not only making us feel alone, but also forgotten. Unfortunately, these are feelings we can inherently struggle with daily. Cancer is incredibly isolating and not showing up for a planned visit without notice is extremely hurtful. Please be honest and transparent. It’s the kind and compassionate thing to do for your friend or loved one. Additionally, keep in mind that we may be sacrificing rest, sleep or both just to spend time with you. Be cognizant of our health, time, energy and needs.

4. Watch your words

   Cancer treatment and its side effects can alter our appearance. Please, if our physical appearance changes — in my case I lost 35 lbs in a matter of weeks and have severe visible radiation burns to my neck and face — please don’t react in a negative way. We will undoubtedly notice your reaction. Treat us the way you are used to. At the end of the day, we are the same person. 

5. Be Considerate

   Lastly, during your visit please be on alert for signs that your loved one needs rest, is no longer feeling well, or is in pain. We are so ecstatic to see you. I,personally, look forward to and love visitors, especially now since I cannot walk and do not get out often. Only leaving the house for treatment is hard. Seeing a friendly face is the highlight of any day. If your loved one starts to look tired or is experiencing discomfort or pain, please cut the visit short and allow them to rest and treat their symptoms. We may not tell you because we love you and want you to stay. But remember you can always come back! 

I hope these tips make visiting your loved ones with cancer an easier challenge to navigate. I wholeheartedly believe those who love us experience cancer with us. We appreciate you making the effort to spend time with us. It not only serves to retain a sense of normalcy in a time of many changes, but it also reminds us we are not alone when our day to day may be telling us otherwise. Use these tips to make those visits amazing memories for you and your soon to be healthy loved one.